Having dreams and ambitions can be hard. You spend your entire adolescence and early adult years working towards achieving goals that you have. It takes years, blood, sweat and tears to get to where you are going, just for you to lose it all. When I graduated from college, I knew exactly what I was going to do. I had just accepted an amazing job, and I decided to go back to grad school. I was living on my own, bought my first car, and was for all intents of purposes, “successful.” So what happened you ask, I met a boy. I met a boy who brought me out of my very introverted self. I fell in love, quit my job, got married, we moved away, found a new job, moved again, had a baby, left grad school, moved again, and then had another baby.
A lot has happened between that time and now, and for the most part I would not change anything. Out of it, I have made a few life long friends, and have brought two beautiful babies into this world. I love that part of my life. While most days are filled with laughter, dirt and craziness, I absolutely love it.
While I have a lot that fills up my cup, there are some areas that do not fill my cup as they used to. After having my kids, my priorities changed. Before them, I poured my heart and soul into my job. I worked so much and honestly thrived on the craziness of being the busy working girl. While I still work for the same company I began working with five years ago, I no longer find joy in my job. I would much rather choose to spend time in other ways. When I feel overwhelmed, unsatisfied and even unchallenged, I avoid all things. I am no longer the employee I once was. In one way I feel extremely guilty about it, but I also cannot imagine leaving them. I have pressure on me to help provide for our family financially and even though I do not work full time, anything helps.
I have had a dream for years to be a writer. I have started and stopped a thousand different projects. Why you may ask? I don't feel like I am good enough, smart enough, grammatically correct enough, etc. I have a dream that I desperately want to make come true but when I start to pour my soul into it, I pull back. I retreat. I hide. I ran away. I avoid it. I fall into the pit of writer's block. Every word I write just does not feel right. I am terrified to show too much of who I truly am because of the judgment and criticism that I might face, but why? If you're not someone's cup of tea, that is fine. Why can't I just do what I want to satisfy a dream that I have. I may stumble, I may fail, I may fly, but I will never know unless I take the first step. In the back of my mind I know that all of those possibilities are ok, but I still let fear win. I let self doubt and negative self talk win.
Which brings me to the most important question of today… Why do we let the devil enter our hearts and fill it with fear? Especially when we know that when we give it up to God, amazing things can happen. Things are always brighter on the other side of fear and self doubt. Friends, it is never too late to take charge of your life, and work towards accomplishing your dreams. Let the fear go and let the light of God's strength in. He will guide us down the path he has for us. We will never know what is at the end of that path unless we take the first step.
So I ask, what dream are you chasing?
Until next time friends,
XOXO
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